10 Psychological Benefits to Moving

Sorting, packing, transporting, unpacking, and organizing all belongings can be a daunting task. The process takes much longer than anticipated as decisions about the status of each item can be made several times before finalizing. It drains mental, emotional and of course physical energy leaving a person exhausted. Most moves are predicated by some necessity in life such as a change in family size, new vocational opportunity, or an investment possibility. While the task of moving is tedious, there are also some psychological benefits. Simplifies life. The end goal of a move is to simplify life in some manner. Whether it is to move closer to work, family, school, or neighborhood, the idea is that life will be easier in some fashion. This type of streamlining can reduce tension and stress. Role shifts. New environments generate an opportunity to adjust and eliminate old and unwanted roles. This is a chance to branch out and become a better version of self without the construction of a

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10 Divorce Precepts to Understand Before Filing

Making the transition from marriage to pre-divorce is difficult. It’s a journey that no one strives to experience and yet so many find themselves beginning the walk. Just to be clear, this article is not about whether or not a person should divorce, rather it simply addresses the fact that so many marriages do separate. The problem is that because a person doesn’t plan for divorce, some of the basic precepts about it are never assimilated. And advice from other’s divorce experience is not always helpful or useful. So, whether a person is making the decision to divorce or is being forced into making a decision about divorce, the guidelines are the same. Divorce is a business. There are professionals who specialize in working through a divorce. They know what they are doing having experienced a wide range of divorces. Each divorce is as unique as the individuals who made up the marriage. The dynamic of the divorce is very much influenced by the personality, character, and dysfunction of

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The Levels of Deceptive People

There is a moment of realization when working with a person who seems nice on the surface that something is not right. It usually comes in a flash and without awareness, it retreats just as quickly. It is important to listen to those warning signals. Deceptive people often mask their deviousness, anger, manipulation, and controlling nature behind a kind façade. But even the best of deceptions are unable to be hidden all of the time. The problem is that most people ignore those signals through minimization (it wasn’t that bad), rationalization (there must be good reason), or justification (they must be having a bad day). The instinctive reaction is too often overlooked and this is how bad things happen to good people. But not all deceptions are the same. It is important to know the difference between an advanced con and a small ruse so both can be better avoided. There are levels of deception: Advanced – usually done by psychopaths and sociopaths. These deceptions are rather advanced

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What Is a Narcissist? | The Exhausted Woman

The word “Narcissist” has it’s origins in Greek Mythology. Around 8AD, there is a story about a beautiful hunter named Narcissus who was exceptionally proud. In order to expose his arrogance, Nemesis (a long standing rival and the origin of the word nemesis) drew him to a pool of water.  Narcissus, upon seeing his reflection and not realizing it was his own image, became so attracted to himself that he refused to leave. He later died there. Thus, the name Narcissist describes a person who is fixated on themselves. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) takes it root from the same name. Here is a practical definition: Believes they better and/or superior to others, Fantasizes about their unlimited power, success, and attractiveness, Exaggerates their achievements and talents, Expects constant praise and admiration from others, Believes they are special and can only associate with other special people, Shows little to no empathy for others, Expects others to go along with their ideas

Source: What Is a Narcissist? | The Exhausted Woman

7 Tips on Overcoming Anxiety

The other day I was in the dentist office. Within minutes of being placed in the chair, the hygienist’s gloved fingers were inside my mouth. There was an immediate emotional reaction of anxiety as I tried to divert my thoughts from biting her fingers. (Yes, even therapists have strange phobias.) Fortunately, that same week a client presented with severe anxiety so the steps for overcoming an attack were in my mind. Here is what I did to calm down in the moment: Be aware. Anxiety can manifest in different ways. There are physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, sweaty palms, tightness in the chest, and a knot in the stomach. And there are mental symptoms such as foggy thinking, confusion, obsessive thinking and racing thoughts. Become aware of the early signs of anxiety before it reaches an attack. Welcome the feeling. Instead of becoming anxious about being anxious which only increases the tension, see the anxiety as a friendly reminder. Sometimes the

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How to Win over an Angry Narcissist | The Exhausted Woman

The other day I received a phone call from a narcissist raging over something that just occurred. Within 30 minutes, the narcissist had completely calmed down, the situation had radically deescalated, and there was a clear path forward. Even I, as someone who works with narcissists regularly, was shocked by the dramatic turnaround. Did I just get lucky or was there some method that could be duplicated? After much analysis and a quick refresher course from the book Thank You for Arguing (by Jay Heinrichs) on the persuasion tactics that were utilized, I stumbled on an effective formula. Sidebar: Before discussing the formula, it is important to note that this narcissist is someone whom I already have established a relationship of trust. Meaning, this is not a new relationship where the narcissist would most likely begin the conversation by persuading me with their skills of charm. Rather, they felt comfortable enough to get right to the point in an aggressive manner. While this can be

Source: How to Win over an Angry Narcissist | The Exhausted Woman

13 Reasons Why People Abuse

Hands down, the number one question I get asked in therapy is “Why would they do this?” Mostly, this stems from a person who has been abused and is trying desperately to understand why their attacker is abusive. There are seven forms of abuse: verbal, mental, emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and spiritual. After a person realizes the full scope of their abuse, it is difficult to comprehend why someone would do it. Please note that this article is not intended to explain, justify, or rationalize abuse. Nor is it designed to gain empathy or sympathy for the abuser. Abuse is wrong all the time in all circumstances. Rather the intent is to shed light on a question that plagues the abused, to gain understanding that all people do not have the same perspective of right and wrong, and to move the healing process further for those who have been damaged. Given that, here are some of the reasons a person is abusive: They have a disorder. A small number of the population is anti-social

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7 Stages of Healing for Those with Borderline Personality Disorder

Being diagnosed with a personality disorder can be discouraging at first. But if a person has to have one, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is the best. Of all the disorders, BPD has the highest rate of mindfulness and is even marked as having the ability to fully recovery. No other personality disorder can claim such status. The reason for this is that a person with BPD has a heightened level of emotional awareness and expression that is very transparent. Their ability to be instantly in-tune with their emotional reaction allows for many therapeutic methods to successfully work on the management aspect. In other words, there is no false façade that needs to be broken down first like with other personality disorders. What you see is what you get. While the tell mark characteristics of BPD are readily noticeable to others, it is not always as initially apparent to a person with this disorder. But after reflection and a few steps along the way, most persons with BPD learn to embrace

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5 Ways Narcissists Smear Others

Being the victim of a narcissistic smear attack is not fun. Rather, it is an intense campaign designed to humiliate an opponent while simultaneously elevating the narcissist. It requires quite a bit of skill, manipulation, and persistence to successfully pull one off. But for the victim, it can be a shocking and damaging experience. In an unwanted pending divorce situation, narcissists will frequently smear their spouse to others while begging for reconciliation. At work, a narcissist might slander a person they believe to be a competitor for a promotion to ensure their success. Or a narcissist’s insults can tear apart the best of friends so they can step into the damaged relationship as a hero. Depending on the situation, a narcissist will use all or some of these six smear tactics. Remember, a narcissist’s greatest fear is to be embarrassed by having their insecurities exposed. Therefore, they will use whatever tactics are necessary to preserve their superior self-image.  For

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Can a Narcissist’s Deception be Harmful to Millions of People? | The Exhausted Woman

Narcissists have the ability to charmingly convince people anything they want to convey. Their manner of speech, intertwined with shallow flattery and a flashy smile, is woven with truths, half-truths, and fiction. While this might gain media attention for the pure entertainment value and seem innocent, it does have the potential to cause harm on a large scale. This is concept is clearly demonstrated in the movie Denial which was released in September 2016. This true-life docudrama portrays the struggles of an American Professor, Deborah E. Lipstadt, as she defends herself in a British court case. Her book on Holocaust deniers portrays people such as historian David Irving who made false historical accusations that Hitler did not order the persecution and execution of millions of Jewish people during World War II. David Irving filed a law suit against Deborah Lipstadt and her publisher Penguin Books for defamation of character. The movie portrayed David Irving as a narcissist (this is

Source: Can a Narcissist’s Deception be Harmful to Millions of People? | The Exhausted Woman