Personalities: Do You Know Someone Who Always Likes to be In Charge?

Dominating Dan storms in the house after a long day of dealing with completely incompetent people and is more frustrated than ever that Human Resources will not let him fire his entire staff.  Not only is his staff incapable of keeping a deadline but he has to tell them what to do every step of the way.  “Why can’t they think for themselves?” he mutters, “Life would be so much easier if everyone did what they were told when they were told to do it.”  Dan looks around the house seeing the kids playing with unfinished homework still on the dining room table and explodes.  He yells for the kids to stop having fun and get back to work so they don’t grow up to be as incompetent as his employees.  As usual nothing is finished on his timetable as he has previously instructed and everything is always late.  If only the world had more disciplined and motivated people like him then everything would be fine and the world would not be in such chaos.

Sound familiar?  If so, then your someone is a “D” in the DISC personality profile which is “Dominating”.  Their motto in life is to “Get it done now”, for them completing a task on time is the most important element.  Competition is their best friend as there is no need to push them to complete a task, just the mention of someone else accomplishing a task is enough to propel them into action to out-perform everyone else in their path.  They are self-motivated, determined, driven, goal-oriented over-achievers.  If you say something can’t be done, just watch them prove you wrong.  They get energy from knowing they have out-done their friends, spouses, children, co-workers, pastors, parents, and anyone else in their life.  But be warned, they are not afraid to step on your back to get where they want to be or to throw you under the bus if in the end it helps them.  For them, the ends do justify the means and life would be so much better if everyone was just like them.

As a Spouse.  Expect them to insist on winning every argument and wanting to be control of all aspects of your life.  They want to know who, what, where, why, and when not because they care about the details but because they like the control.  Sometimes it will feel like you are the child and they are the adult and when that happens, they have you exactly where they want you.  Since they are focused and driven, they are likely to delegate relational issues but want to maintain overall control over everything else including the kid’s schedule.  They can smell a false sense of control a mile away, so faking that they are in control will not work but will back-fire instead.  Since they need to be in charge of something at home, let them have their area of choice just don’t make it relational in nature.

As a Friend.  If you ask them for advice, not only do they willingly give it to you but they tell you all about how they have done it better in the past.  If you take their advice, you are their new best friend but if you reject their advice, you better have your armor on because they are coming after you with a vengeance.  Because they like to take the lead on things, as long as they are directing the friendship things will be just fine but if you try to direct the friendship they will drop you like a hot potato and accuse you of being a fake friend.

As a Co-Worker.  They don’t play nice with other children, so at work, they are the least likely to get along with others.  They do much better in leadership positions so they naturally take the lead on nearly every project even if they are not the expert.   But if you try to lead instead of them, you will be met with such sharp criticism that you will never try it again.  Let them take the lead and follow their lead because even if it is the wrong direction, they will protect you.  But if you confront them, you are left without any protection and are more likely to become the object of their next target.

As a Child.  Again, they don’t play nice with other children so they are usually the ones ordering everyone else around.  They have a natural knack for finding the flaw in everyone else but if you point out their flaw you will be met with a harsh rebuke or a temper tantrum.  Since they are task-oriented, they are likely to excel in school as the idea of doing better than their siblings or classmates motivates them beyond their natural talents.  This strong determination is well-praised in school so it reinforces the behavior driving the child to achieve more, be better and be stronger but it carries with it the price of isolation from peers as other child do not enjoy being on the losing end of an unknown competition.

More than likely you have already identified a boss or entrepreneur who fits this description to a tee as these positions seem to suite them well.  They are hard-workers and expect others to work as hard as they do all the time.  The biggest problem is that they work too hard and alienate themselves from others in the process.  The stress of their profession and the need to achieve can be a deadly combination as they are likely to have stress related health issues as well.  So the next time you encounter a Dominating Dan, remember that there is a price to pay for all the success and choose to show them compassion instead of jealousy.

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

Personalities: Do You Know Someone Who Is the Life of the Party?

Party Patty bounces home excited about another day being around people even if she was just at work.  So what if all of her work did not get done today, it can wait till tomorrow.  So what if she didn’t make her sales quota that will happen next month.  The most important thing is that she hosted the best 50th birthday party for her friend at work.  “Why can’t we all have some fun at work?” she questions, “Life would be so much better if everyone just took time out of the day to enjoy it and have a little fun.”  Patty hears her smallest child banging on the clean pots and pans which have been removed from the cabinet and sits down next to her to make some “music” along with her.  Dinner is late as usual but who cares, life is too short to live by a deadline and there is always a frozen pizza that can be heated up.  Looking around the house, there are several started but unfinished projects on the already messy kitchen table but what’s the big deal, there is always tomorrow.  Dinner will just have to be in the family room again or maybe they can go out to eat instead.

Sound familiar?  If so, then your someone is an “I” in the DISC personality profile which is “Influential”.  Their motto in life is to “Have fun”, for them enjoying life to the fullest is the most important element and everyone around them knows this is their motto.  They are the life of the party and everyday is a new exciting adventure from the second they wake-up until the moment they fall asleep.  Even their dreams are filled with fantasy as their lives seem to be Disneyland-ish.  If you are having a party, invite them and the party will be great, neglect to invite them and it will be a flop for sure.  If they are having a party, be prepared to meet the strangest group of people you could imagine as they have “friends” from every walk in life.  But while their “friends” are a mile wide, their “friendships” are about an inch deep.

As a Spouse.  There is never a dull moment with this personality type as you literally never know what the day or evening will bring.  Don’t be shocked about some new recipe experiment as they most likely won’t prepare the same meal twice, won’t wear the same clothes twice, or won’t want the same group of people over twice.  Their parenting style haves lots of room for flexibility and discipline is definitely be lacking but the kids will love it and that is all that matters, having others like them.  In life and especially on vacation, expect that they have no plan what-so-ever but prefer instead to fly by the seat of their pants in making nearly every decision.  Just don’t hand the checkbook over to them as their creative style will likely spill out in creative financing and creative spending.

As a Friend.  Who doesn’t want a friend like this?  They bring their own excitement, have tons of stories, keep the conversation flowing, seem interested in everything you say, and have tons of ideas about everything.  The biggest problem is they are not very reliable as a friend as they are likely to leave you hanging for another greater gig going one at the same time.  They over-book, over-commit, over-promise, and over-smooze which can cause problems in your friendship only if you take it personally.  They don’t mean it personally as they just want to be liked, it just happens.

As a Co-Worker.  If there is a promise of recognition at the end of any goal, they will work towards it.  But if not, don’t be shocked if your project gets put on the back-burner and they have lots of back-burners.  They  are rarely on-time as 30 minutes late is normal, don’t keep a deadline because something else more interesting always comes up, and are likely to be more interested in making friends then in working.  But the office will not be dull with them around as they single-handedly keep the energy alive and thriving.

As a Child.  They are the fun child who needs to have tons of activities as they are always on the go wanting more, seeing more, and doing more.  This child is great with new people and is likely to be found talking to anyone who will respond back to them.  They will walk up to perfect strangers with the greatest of ease and start conversations making them sound older and smarter than their peers.  Wonderful performers, these children are likely to engage in any activity that allows them to be on stage in front of an audience.  And when there is no audience, they will create one though both good and bad behavior.

Fortunately this personality has a natural salesman like ability that enables them to literally sell the shirt off your back to you as their acting skills are well above average.  They are fantastic at any customer support, teaching, training or any environment which requires good people skills or a performance as all of this comes naturally to them.  In the most tense of situations, they have the ability to ease the air with a couple of jokes and return high anxieties to normal levels.  So the next time you come across a Party Patty, realize they will want to be your friend and even call you their best friend but you should take a number as there are likely to be a dozen other besties.

 

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

Personalities: Do You Know Someone who is Super Sensitive?

Sensitive Suzie comes home sulking desperately wanting to head straight for her room after a long day of managing everyone else’s problems.  She is exhausted from all of the confrontation and just wants to escape to her own little cocoon but knows that her family needs her so she puts off her alone time till later.  “Why can’t everyone just get along?” she says, “Life would be so much simpler if everyone just worked together instead of fighting all the time.”  But the distraction of her family manages to put a smile on her face and soon she decides that she really doesn’t need the alone time after all, just a few hugs and kisses from her kids do the trick.  However the frustration builds inside and while Suzie ignores it, the kids begin fighting over the last piece of garlic bread.  Before long she finds herself exploding over the garlic bread while her family looks at this unknown person who never seems to get upset over anything.  Knowing she has disappointed her family Suzie turns her anger inward to an even greater sense of insecurity and inadequacy.

Sound familiar?  If so, then your someone is an “S” in the DISC personality profile which is “Steadfast”.  Their motto in life is to “Keep the peace” and for them having a calm atmosphere at all times in all circumstances is the most important element.  They are the most sensitive of the bunch and can perceive things that others just overlook so they make excellent negotiators, mediators, and parents.  Slow, steady, straight, and calm are the ways they approach nearly every new circumstance and certainly every conflict.  For them, the only way to handle a problem is to deal with it calmly; otherwise, they run from all aggressive attacks and retreat into their safe shell of isolation.  They accomplish all kinds of work done without any complaining, arguing, debating, changing the method, or asking for other’s input.  Instead they just do the job well, quietly, and without rocking the boat.

As a Spouse.  They will dutifully do what is expected without being asked and will take pride in a house well run without any conflict.  But that is the key; there can be no conflict because if there is, they have failed in their mission to keep the peace.  You see, they work so hard to keep everything on an even level that if it is not, they take it personally and blame themselves for the failure.  There is no point in accepting responsibility for the failure as they will not hear a word, the only way to resolve the issue is to calm down and reduce the conflict.  They will remain calm almost all of the time but watch out, if pushed too far, they will explode like a volcano and then hate themselves for causing the conflict propelling them to retreat.

As a Friend.  They are the most loyal and faithful friends you could possibly imagine who will always get you the perfect gift because they have put a ton of time and thought behind it.  This is how they demonstrate to you their dedication to your friendship and no matter how many years may have passed they will happily restore the friendship to the same level it was before.  But if you betray them, be warned because they do not tolerate any disloyalty and will cut you out of their life if needed to protect themselves or the people they love.  They can become very self-protected when attacked and sometimes this looks a lot like selfishness.

As a Co-Worker.  Who can ask for a better co-worker as they will make the office run smoothly without a hitch no matter what level of stressful situations are looming over the horizon.  They are wonderful organizers, do things without being asked, finish other’s tasks without complaining, and maintain a good attitude.  But if they feel for one second that you don’t appreciate them or value them, they will quit without notice and leave you hanging.  To keep them happy, don’t recognize them in public as they will hate any attention being drawn to them but rather give them a bonus, privilege or gift as this is of far greater value than public recognition or a title.

As a Child.  They are the quiet ones who do everything the teacher asks and are usually the favorite friend, student, or even sibling amongst the competition.  But don’t tell them it is a competition or they will run the opposite direction as they don’t want anyone to feel left out or a loser.  They are not likely to enjoy winning for the sake of beating someone else up but rather they enjoy winning to know they have outdone themselves.  While on the surface they may seem organized, buried deep in their drawers or under their bed is a huge mess they are hiding from everyone.  If you publicly announce it, they will never forgive you but if you privately address the matter, they will correct it.

This personality becomes incredible diplomats, mediators, office managers, human resources, and administrators.  They have enough detail skills to work with overly detail-oriented personalities without getting obsessive about it and enough people skills to work with overly friendly personalities without failing to complete a task, but they have no tolerance for the overly aggressive personality as they will see them as a bully.  So the next time you come across a Sensitive Suzy, handle them with care and they will care well for you but handle them with force and they will bite back.

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.