Marriage Tip: Detach from the Ranting

Your spouse is going to rant about something sooner or later.  Unfortunately the ranting may even be about the same topic, the same people, or the same circumstances you have heard about a thousand times before.  In your response, you are likely to fall into a pattern of defending, explaining, shutting down, minimizing or personalizing the ranting.  None of these responses are correct and all are likely to incite even more ranting from your spouse.

So what can you do?  First recognize that you rant as well and stop pointing the finger at your spouse as if they were the only one to blame.  Second, remind yourself that you do love your spouse and that your love in unconditional, not based on performance.  Afterall, this is what you expect from your spouse so you should give them the same consideration.  Finally, detach from the ranting by reminding yourself that their ranting is their issue and not yours.  You do not need to take your spouse’s issues on like a weight to be carried around.  This is not helpful, this is hurtful.  Your spouse is responsible for their behavior, their actions, and their words; just like you are responsible for your behavior towards your spouse, your actions and your words.

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

Marriage Tip: Never Leave Your Spouse Behind

There is a saying in the military, “Never leave a man behind” which should be applied to a marriage.  There will be times in your marriage when you are growing or moving faster than your spouse for a variety of reasons.  However, if you keep your spouse in the dark or leave him or her behind then resentment has the opportunity to grow and take over your marriage.  You will then find a new resentment for your spouse for not appreciating your growth and your spouse will resent you for leaving him or her out of your growth.  As you learn more about yourself, include your spouse in your understanding and if needed help your spouse to grow with you.

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.