Saying Good-bye to a Loved One

Every once in a while God gives us the opportunity to say good-bye to a loved one before they pass away.  You may have experienced moments such as this in the past or may be going through it right now.   Either way, it is still difficult to endure.  Nevertheless, these are rare precious moments to be treasured as gifts from God.  Not everyone has the opportunity to say good-bye to a trusted friend, a close family member, a loved one, or a valued mentor.  Some must deal with the shock and loss all at once, but sometimes God graciously grants us an opportunity to say goodbye.  This is a gift that can be used as part of the healing process of letting the person go.  In the moment, such times are difficult to endure, but in the end they are a blessing and are very often helpful in healing from the loss.

In some cases we avoid saying good-bye because we don’t want to admit the end is near.  We don’t know what to say in the moment we see the person or we fear that we will say the wrong thing.  All of these concerns are valid and should not be minimized.  Yet, if we are honest with our feelings and examine each concern separately, we can find the seeds towards healing.

Not wanting to admit the end is near.  Yes there is always hope and God can, and often does, work miracles in the most hopeless situations.  In some of these situations, He performs miracles way beyond our expectations and beyond even our prayers.  In other situations, there is no miracle, there is only waiting for the end of a cherished life.  But the waiting does not need to be wasted; instead it can be used as an opportunity to bring closure to the many lives it affects.  Accepting that a person we love is near death does not mean that we are without hope, rather it means we are facing all of the possibilities and allowing God to choose the best one.  The seeds of healing lie in the continued hope and promise of God that the person we love, as a believer in Jesus Christ, is about to meet their Creator and spend an eternity with Him.

Don’t know what to say.  Spend some time thinking and praying about what you will say before you see the person.  This is not a time to rehash old arguments, talk about the mundane, or discuss the latest medical decision.  Rather, this is a time to extend love by asking for forgiveness if needed, expressing how much the person has meant to you by specifically telling them what they have done for you or given you, and allowing them to speak to you.  When God calls you to spend time with someone before they pass, it is more about allowing them to heal, and at the same time enabling you to heal as well.  These are additional seeds of healing during a difficult time.  The memory of these moments will enable you to know that you have allowed the person passing the awesome opportunity to say what they wanted to say to the person they wanted to say it to.  This is ultimately a gift of peace.

Saying the wrong thing.  Fear is a powerful distracter from doing the things God has called us to do, but you can have victory over fear.  It is an emotion that is useful in situations of potential danger but not useful when we allow it to parallelize us and stop us from completing what we know is right.  If you are unsure what is right, pray.  God in His wisdom will give you an answer.  Just be careful to accept the answer and not wait for another answer that you really want!  Most of the time, the answers come in the most unlikely of places so be open to listening to the Holy Spirit.  Don’t allow fear to stop you from doing what you should do, instead use the fear to propel you to be sensitive to the person and their family during a very difficult time.  The sensitivity you show them and their family is the seed of healing as it demonstrates compassion and love beyond circumstance or feeling.

It is truly a privilege to witness both the beginning and the end of life as in both we become more aware of the awesome power of God mirrored through His creations.  While the passing of a life is sad, for the person will be missed, the knowledge of their salvation is the hope we can continue to bring the generations yet to come.  This is the beginning of healing from our loss.

For more information, watch this video. 

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

A Different Look at the Book of James

Writers, who write best, write from their perspective on life.  If you have experienced something traumatic such as the death of a child, been involved in a war or survived a natural disaster and you write about it, then chances are your writing will reflect the deeper and often mixed feelings of the event.  You readers are then more drawn into your writing because you wrote from what you knew.  Equally significant is taking some time to understand the background of an author before you read their work so the intended meaning becomes clearer.

One such author is the James, the writer of the Book of James in the New Testament.  So before you sit down to read this very practical and short Book on Christian living, consider the following information.

  1. James (James 1:1) identifies himself as a slave of both God and Jesus Christ acknowledging both belief and devotion to Jesus.
  2. James along with his other brothers Joseph, Judas and Simon are identified as Jesus half brothers (Mark 6:3 and Gal. 1:19).  Jude (Judas) verifies that his is both the brother of James and the half-brother of Jesus in his Book of Jude (Jude 1:1).
  3. The townspeople of Nazareth further verify the relationship between Jesus and his half brothers when they minimize and question His wisdom and power (Matt. 13:53-57).  Jesus replies that a prophet has no respect in his hometown or family (Matt. 13:57) indicating that his brothers were not yet believers.
  4. James the half-brother of Jesus is not the same person as James the brother of John, sons of Zebedee (Matt. 26:37) who was one of the twelve disciples (Matt. 10:2) , nicknamed by Jesus as “Sons of Thunder”  (Mark 3:17),  and later martyred for his faith (Acts 12:2).  Nor is he the other disciple named James, son of Alphaeus (Matt. 10:3) for whom nothing more is recorded.
  5. Jesus knew the Jewish leaders were plotting to kill him so he avoided Judea where His brothers urged him to go (John 7:1-4).  Then John comments that Jesus’ brothers did not believe in Him and their motive may not have been in Jesus’ best interest anyway (John 7:5-9).
  6. At the cross, Jesus tells John, one of his disciples, to care for his mother Mary and tells Mary that John is now responsible for her (John 19:25-27).  Normally, the responsibility for a widowed mother would rest on the eldest son first and then if he is deceased the second eldest.  Jesus instead departed from this tradition asking John to care for her possibly because his half brothers did not believe yet and would not have empathy for what their mother was experiencing.
  7. Paul recalls that Jesus appeared to James (1 Cor. 15:7) after He was resurrected.  Paul mentions prior that Jesus appeared to the disciples first which would have included the disciple also named James but then lists James’ name later and by itself before mentioning the apostles and finally Paul, himself.  While the details of this encounter are not recorded, given James’ past lack of belief and his later belief and leadership in the Jerusalem church, this moment could have been when he finally believed that Jesus was his Messiah.
  8. After the ascension of Jesus, the apostles when to Jerusalem to an upstairs room and were in prayer along with Mary (mother of Jesus) and Jesus’ brothers (Acts 1:12-14).  At this point, James is not mentioned by name indicating that he had not yet developed any leadership amongst the group.  In fact, his name was not even discussed as a possible disciple replacement for Judas (Acts 1:23) most likely because he had just become a believer.
  9. Paul after becoming a believer, met with Peter first and then James (Gal. 1:18-19) before meeting with the elders of the Jerusalem church (Acts 21:15-18).  This implies that James now had an important role and likely was already the leader of the Jerusalem church.
  10. James was the leader of the Jerusalem church and as such demonstrated authority in directing the church (Acts 15:13-21).  Peter and the others listen to his words and then follow his instruction again signifying the important role James is now playing in the church.
  11. Paul recounts a dispute between him and Peter (Gal. 1:11-12) in which he confronts Peter’s fear of James’ friend’s opinion further indicating James’ prominence in the early church.  Paul goes on to say that James, Peter and John were known as pillars of the early church (Gal. 2:9).
  12. Peter after being rescued by an angel from prison requests at Mary’s (mother of John Mark) house for others to go and tell James of his escape from Herod Agrippa (Acts 12:6-18).
  13. Paul visits with James and the elders of the church when he arrives in Jerusalem giving them a report on his ministry with the Gentiles (Acts 21:17-19).
  14. This is the last mention of James in the New Testament.  The Book of James was one of the first New Testament books written sometime around 49 A.D. just a year before the Jerusalem council occurred (Acts 15:13-21) (see number 10).

So after reading the summary, the bottom line is that James grew up with Jesus but did not believe Jesus was his Savior until after He was resurrected from the dead.  James’ ministry began at the same time as the early church and he eventually became the respected leader of the Jerusalem church.  James wrote the Book of James as a believer but was doing it with the perspective that he had at one time rejected his half-brother Jesus.  Can you imagine the things he said in his youth that he later regretted as a Christian leader?

The Book of James tells a much richer story of how a person can be so physically near to Christ in his youth and yet so far from the reality of who Jesus was.  Greater yet, it tells a story of how a person can go from spiritual death to life though faith strengthened by works in Jesus Christ.  Now, read the Book of James remembering the story of the author and allowing it to speak to you at a deeper and practical level.

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

Forgive, Forgive, and when you don’t know what else to do Forgive again

Asking For Forgiveness

Asking For Forgiveness (Photo credit: hang_in_there)

I would be out of a job if husbands forgave wives, wives forgave husbands, children forgave their parents, siblings forgave one another, friends forgave each other, workers forgave their bosses and nations forgave nations.  Imagine for a moment a child forgiving a parent who verbally belittled them instead of harboring that resentment well into adulthood and either repeating that pattern with their own children or worse internalizing the thoughtless comment.  Imagine a worker forgiving their boss for taking undeserved credit for a job well done instead of finding ways to even the score.  “Impossible” you say?

Signs of unforgiveness are everywhere in our culture.  Just turn on a talk show any day of the week and you will hear story after story of one person who believes they are justified in their anger.  And sadly, sometimes they are justified but there is a better way.  If we can identify the early warning signs of unforgiveness in our own lives and learn to forgive others before they ask or even if they never ask for forgiveness, then our own lives will be blessed.

Angry Outbursts.  Have you ever been around someone who just blew up over what seems like nothing and you are left wondering what just happened?  Their outburst may be a sign of unforgiveness in their own life; something you might have said or something you might have done may have triggered a memory completely unrelated to the event itself and their outburst has more to do with the past then the present.  But here’s the kicker…you need to forgive their outburst even if you don’t fully understand who, what, where, why, and how.  Otherwise, you are likely to fall into the next category.

Cold Shoulder.  Have you ever gotten the cold shoulder from a friend and you don’t know what is happening?  Or better yet, someone pretends not to know you when you know perfectly well that they do know you.  The cold shoulder routine may be another sign of unforgiveness in their life as they would rather stuff the issue than address it openly.  This is a favorite tactic of most married couples as one spouse ignores or minimizes communication with the other.  The one doing the ignoring is the one who is harboring unforgiveness.  But here’s the kicker…you need to forgive their cold shoulder routine even if you don’t fully understand who, what, where, why, and how.  Otherwise, you will be as guilty as them.

Gossip.  Have you ever been around someone who says they are just trying to inform or warn you of someone else?  Or perhaps, they are more spiritual in their tactic by saying they are just trying to find out how to specifically pray for someone else.  Any way you look at it, this is gossip and unforgiveness is at the root.  The person gossiping is actually distracting themselves and others away from their own issues in an attempt to look better.  This is the worst type of unforgiveness as it is internal, revealing they have not forgiven themselves for an offense.  So here’s the kicker…you need to forgive their gossip to show them that they are worthy of forgiveness and perhaps help them to learn how to forgive themselves.

As I am writing this article, my own lack of forgiveness for others becomes all too glaringly obvious.  The best way I know how to forgive is to pray and turn it over to God.  Sometimes I write it down and then destroy the paper as a demonstration of my forgiveness but mostly I just pray.  Having received forgiveness for my own faults as a believer in Jesus Christ, I welcome the opportunity to show forgiveness to others, even if they never ask.

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

Did You Keep Your Last Year’s New Year’s Resolution?

I did.  Not to brag, but I can truly say that not only did I keep it but it has benefited me beyond my expectations.  My last year’s resolution was daily so it involved me being active in remembering it which in turn produced daily benefits to not only my life but the lives around me.  In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I will be doing it again this year however with slight differences to keep it fresh and new.  What was it you ask?  It was to read the Bible, both the New and Old Testament, cover to cover in chronological order.

This is not the first time I have had this resolution, however, it was the first time that I read the Bible in chronological order which is enormously helpful to those of us who think in terms of storylines.  Many years ago, I was impressed not by a Pastor, sadly enough, but by Oprah to read the Bible cover to cover.  Her valid point was that as a Christian I should know for myself what the Bible says and be able to speak with confidence about my understanding not because someone else told me about it but because I had studied it for myself.  After all, is this not what higher education is all about?  We major in a field of study and read volumes of books coupled with lectures from those more knowledgeable than ourselves.  Yet the very book that defines Christianity and embodies the whole nature of Jesus Christ, many have never read to completion.

How sad.  I equate it to marrying only part of a person and not the whole person.  Wedding vows often include the lines, “for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health” but what if the vow only said “for richer and in health” and left out the other parts?  How is that commitment?  Anyone can be committed to the good in a marriage but it takes a person of character and conviction to be married during the “poorer and sickness”.  The same is true for studying the Bible, if we only read the parts that are easy, fun, satisfying for the moment, or applicable to our lives right now, then we miss part of who Christ is.

So, many years ago, I read the Bible cover to cover for the first time and it has rewarded me beyond my initial expectation and now I continue to read and reread it while gaining deeper understanding and wisdom well beyond my natural abilities and talents.  There are many websites to assist you with this endeavor, you can even download an APP for free “YouVersion” Bible which has many reading plans to select from.  Or here is a favorite website:  http://www.ewordtoday.com/year/.

However you choose to read the Bible, just read it.  Come with an open heart and mind to what God is saying in His word about Himself and about your life and you will be blessed.  Embrace the whole nature of Christ through the reading of His word and your relationship with Him will deepen to levels beyond your understanding.  Just as the difficult moments in your marriage fostered a deeper commitment and understanding of your spouse, so reading the difficult parts of the Bible will strengthen your faith and love of Jesus.

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.