Personalities: Do You Know Someone who is Super Sensitive?

Sensitive Suzie comes home sulking desperately wanting to head straight for her room after a long day of managing everyone else’s problems.  She is exhausted from all of the confrontation and just wants to escape to her own little cocoon but knows that her family needs her so she puts off her alone time till later.  “Why can’t everyone just get along?” she says, “Life would be so much simpler if everyone just worked together instead of fighting all the time.”  But the distraction of her family manages to put a smile on her face and soon she decides that she really doesn’t need the alone time after all, just a few hugs and kisses from her kids do the trick.  However the frustration builds inside and while Suzie ignores it, the kids begin fighting over the last piece of garlic bread.  Before long she finds herself exploding over the garlic bread while her family looks at this unknown person who never seems to get upset over anything.  Knowing she has disappointed her family Suzie turns her anger inward to an even greater sense of insecurity and inadequacy.

Sound familiar?  If so, then your someone is an “S” in the DISC personality profile which is “Steadfast”.  Their motto in life is to “Keep the peace” and for them having a calm atmosphere at all times in all circumstances is the most important element.  They are the most sensitive of the bunch and can perceive things that others just overlook so they make excellent negotiators, mediators, and parents.  Slow, steady, straight, and calm are the ways they approach nearly every new circumstance and certainly every conflict.  For them, the only way to handle a problem is to deal with it calmly; otherwise, they run from all aggressive attacks and retreat into their safe shell of isolation.  They accomplish all kinds of work done without any complaining, arguing, debating, changing the method, or asking for other’s input.  Instead they just do the job well, quietly, and without rocking the boat.

As a Spouse.  They will dutifully do what is expected without being asked and will take pride in a house well run without any conflict.  But that is the key; there can be no conflict because if there is, they have failed in their mission to keep the peace.  You see, they work so hard to keep everything on an even level that if it is not, they take it personally and blame themselves for the failure.  There is no point in accepting responsibility for the failure as they will not hear a word, the only way to resolve the issue is to calm down and reduce the conflict.  They will remain calm almost all of the time but watch out, if pushed too far, they will explode like a volcano and then hate themselves for causing the conflict propelling them to retreat.

As a Friend.  They are the most loyal and faithful friends you could possibly imagine who will always get you the perfect gift because they have put a ton of time and thought behind it.  This is how they demonstrate to you their dedication to your friendship and no matter how many years may have passed they will happily restore the friendship to the same level it was before.  But if you betray them, be warned because they do not tolerate any disloyalty and will cut you out of their life if needed to protect themselves or the people they love.  They can become very self-protected when attacked and sometimes this looks a lot like selfishness.

As a Co-Worker.  Who can ask for a better co-worker as they will make the office run smoothly without a hitch no matter what level of stressful situations are looming over the horizon.  They are wonderful organizers, do things without being asked, finish other’s tasks without complaining, and maintain a good attitude.  But if they feel for one second that you don’t appreciate them or value them, they will quit without notice and leave you hanging.  To keep them happy, don’t recognize them in public as they will hate any attention being drawn to them but rather give them a bonus, privilege or gift as this is of far greater value than public recognition or a title.

As a Child.  They are the quiet ones who do everything the teacher asks and are usually the favorite friend, student, or even sibling amongst the competition.  But don’t tell them it is a competition or they will run the opposite direction as they don’t want anyone to feel left out or a loser.  They are not likely to enjoy winning for the sake of beating someone else up but rather they enjoy winning to know they have outdone themselves.  While on the surface they may seem organized, buried deep in their drawers or under their bed is a huge mess they are hiding from everyone.  If you publicly announce it, they will never forgive you but if you privately address the matter, they will correct it.

This personality becomes incredible diplomats, mediators, office managers, human resources, and administrators.  They have enough detail skills to work with overly detail-oriented personalities without getting obsessive about it and enough people skills to work with overly friendly personalities without failing to complete a task, but they have no tolerance for the overly aggressive personality as they will see them as a bully.  So the next time you come across a Sensitive Suzy, handle them with care and they will care well for you but handle them with force and they will bite back.

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

Personalities: Do You Know Someone Who Lives for Perfectionism?

Perfect Pete comes home after analyzing the best route to get there the fastest during rush hour traffic.  He is disappointed that no one notices he saved two minutes by taking a new route and can’t believe the lack of attention to detail by his family.  After all, there is the right way to come home which takes the least amount of time and then there are the several wrong ways to come home which take more time.  And he has found the best.  “Why can’t they appreciate the difference between the right way and the wrong way?” he mutters, “Life would be so much easier if everyone did everything the right way.”  Not only does he have to work with people who don’t care about quality, but now he has to live with them as well.  It is enough to send him in a sour mood as once again he is alone in his rightness.  He spends the rest of the evening barely talking to his family because not only did they not realize he was home early, when he finally told them about it they were totally unimpressed and even made fun of him.

Sound familiar?  If so, then your someone is a “C” in the DISC personality profile which is “Conscientious”.  Their motto in life is to “Get it done right”, for them quality not only matters but it is the most important element.  There will be no shortcuts with this personality as they take a long time to make a decision because they analyze every last detail from every angle they can find.  For them, they want to be known as a person who is cautious, calculated, detail-oriented, and thorough.   But all of this perfectionism comes at a cost as they default to moody, arrogant and self-righteous behaviors.  As a profession, they make excellent attorneys, artists, doctors, engineers, accountants and pilots.  Basically any profession which demands accuracy is a natural fit for their personality.

As a Spouse.  Having a spouse with this personality can be frustrating as they are not likely to accept your opinion of what is right and what is wrong with a long and drawn out fight.  The only way to win an argument with this personality is to dig your heals in the sand and don’t give ground.  This group sees giving ground as a weakness in your thinking.  On the positive side, they should be managing all of your finances as they make excellent, however frustrating, financial planners.  If the decision does not need to be made right away, let them research it as you know they will find the best possible choice and you will not be disappointed with the results.

As a Friend.  Be prepared to be confronted in a not so nice manner with a laundry list of all of your flaws.  The good news is that they don’t sugar coat anything so you can count on them to be as straight as an arrow with you and usually sarcastic to boot.  While they will spend time splitting pennies over a halved dinner check, they will not be the one to pick up the phone and call you to go somewhere.  If they are your friend, you will have to be the social director but the good news is that if they don’t want to do something, they will let you know.  The bad news is that they will never let you forget a bad time or a mistake.

As a Co-Worker.  Be on guard because they will intentionally lose you in the details in an effort to out-smart, out-think and out-analyze you.  They are not doing this because they are competitive; rather they are doing this because they are convinced that they are right and want to make sure that you know it and appreciate it.  If they have designed a process, then rest assured that it is good but if you have designed a process, then they will find the flaw and point it out at nauseam.  Don’t give this personality a deadline as they are sure to change it because, well let’s just say they have a ton of “because’s” and they are usually right.  However, if the project requires a level of perfectionism, give it to them and it will be perfect.

As a Child.  It starts early with demanding that everyone play by their own rules even if the rules are not the real rules but the ones the child made up.  You see, this child knows how to write better rules than the maker of the game so make sure you know “their rules” and are playing by them or they will throw a fit.  It is usually their way or the highway and while they don’t have fully developed analytical skills yet, they can be pretty convincing as to why you should do things their way.  Don’t give in, just listen and praise them for the suggestion, but do not argue.  This is a pointless venture which will only alienate you from your child in the future.

This personality knows all of the “whys” to nearly every question because they have already asked, researched, and analyzed the answers.  Their attention to detail makes them quite gifted, excellent musicians, careful surgeons, and fiscally responsible adults.  So if you come across a Perfect Pete don’t run away, instead let them manage a detailed project following all of their suggestions and everything will be just fine.

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.